Facing Them
by katielgk
Summary: My eyes wandered only for a moment before going back to the knife still coming towards my face, but I could have sworn there were two more thugs standing off to the side behind the leader in front of me. An old familiar feeling of hope swelled up in me, fighting the stale anger that came with it. No. No, there's no reason for them to be here. They shouldn't be. (April's POV)


Another One-shot, this time from April's POV. I found this in an old file and fixed it up a bit. I had written it before the 2k12 series started, so it's imagined in the 2k3 universe.

Disclaimer: I do not own the TMNT.

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><p>I am going to die.<p>

It might be about time for it actually. I mean, trouble has a knack for finding me everywhere I go. I suppose my life was pretty normal for a while. Up until I started working for Baxter Stockman. That's when things got weird, and I seemed to constantly find myself in danger. It was almost unavoidable after...well that's not important.

I'm going to die now anyway if I can't get away.

I have to get _up_ before anything. God, my side hurts, but I can hear him coming closer, his low chuckle rasping and shaking what's left of my fractured soul. I'm scared. I'm _terrified._

I'm up on my knees, leaning forward on the support of one arm. He's going to kick me; I can sense it just before I see his leg pull back in the corner of my vision. Panting, I try to pull away from him so the blow only glances off my hip. I then push past it and dart up to throw a punch. Its solid, but he's more solid. He's huge, and I push him back a step or two, but he's unphased. I just need to catch my breath, but I know my strength. Even with my training, even if I can beat this guy, I won't get past the four others behind him.

He kicks me again and I yell from the pain. They definitely cracked some ribs earlier.

How badly did I really need to go to the corner shop tonight? I could have survived one more night without milk, and then I wouldn't have run into a bunch of Purple Dragons. I wouldn't have seen them roughing up the clerk and then I wouldn't have stepped in the middle of things.

I thought that I had lost them for a while, but they were quick to catch up and then corner me. I forgot how efficient they had become. Or maybe I've wanted to face them for the past year. Since I lost him to them.

I'm moving too slowly. I can go faster, I have to go faster, but my forehead just presses into the gravel, scraping and cutting as I keep pushing away from him. How much is it worth to fight anymore? It would be in vain, and no one will come for me. There's no one left for me.

Casey would be disappointed. The cry that escapes my throat is more from that sudden thought than the thug wrenching my head back by my hair. Casey would have come at one point. I'm skilled, but out of practice. His unbridled rage against the Purple Dragons alone would destroy these men. He won't come. Casey would never come for me again.

"Here come the tears," the man holding me mocks. I blink, and the water runs down my face. "Too bad lady, this could have been quick and easy, but you just had to fight back."

Fury fills me, taking over the hopelessness. _Those tears are for Casey you bastard_. I throw my elbow back at him, and it's at the right level to do some damage to his crotch, despite the awkward angle. Letting go of my hair, he reels away, and I catch myself with my palms grinding into the gravel and muck.

_Got to move!_

"Hold her!"

There's no time.

Both my arms are pulled from underneath me, and they drag me forward. I'm forced to stand, and somehow I still try to wrench free, even though I'd like to just give up again. I've always been stubborn, it's ingrained in me to fight back. I should have run first though, considering who these men likely associate martial arts to. I shouldn't have shown off, just created a path and run away.

The leader's recovered and he's coming at me again. The men holding me won't let me move.

Too late now. I wonder again: Do I really care?

He pulled out a knife at some point. I watch it, the shine of the blade in the dim light that reaches this far into the alley. He promised earlier this wouldn't be quick, but maybe I could make him speed things up? If I fight back just enough, he would kill me just to end it. Then I could be done.

I've got no one. No one to miss me. No one to save me.

No one…

Maybe I'll see that loveable bonehead again now.

Weren't there five guys in all?

My eyes wandered only for a moment before going back to the knife still coming towards my face, but I could have sworn there were two more thugs standing off to the side behind the leader in front of me.

An old familiar feeling of hope swelled up in me, fighting the stale anger that came with it.

No. No, there's no reason for _them_ to be here. They shouldn't be.

My eyes must've drifted away again because the thug with the knife grabs my shirt and pulls me forward roughly. The blade is right in front of my eyes. Is he going to cut them out first? Would that be enough pain to just pass out from?

"Pay attention lady," he sneers. "Or you won't learn-"

I blink twice. He's gone. What?

The arms holding me up disappear too, and I can't help but slump to the ground. A few pained grunts, and then it's silent in the alleyway. Dark, quiet, all I hear is my quick breaths. I clutch an arm around my middle while my heart beats painfully in my chest. Is it over? Are the Dragons coming back? Are _They_ still here?

"Are you ok?" They are.

Anger is still erupting inside of me, and I don't move or answer. Anger at being attacked, at not being strong enough. Anger at needing to be saved, that they were the ones saving me. That they somehow knew I needed to be saved when they shouldn't be near me. I know all four brothers are standing there watching me.

"A-April?"

They're standing outside of the shadows that protect them, in the open so I that can see when I look up finally. Donatello is closest, watching me curiously, but still standing back, unsure and shy. It was like when we first met.

The words fall out before I know it, and after nearly a year of feeling it, the resentment in my tone feels strange even to me. "You're still watching me?"

I know it breaks the heart of each of my rescuers. The hopeful look Michaelangelo had been trying to hide fell away entirely, and his eyes and shoulders dropped like a puppy denied. Raphael's pride didn't allow him to react right away. He wouldn't show it to me anyway, I didn't deserve to see inside his heart anymore. Leonardo stood his ground, hiding away his deflated hope. And then Donny, who despite his nervous look, straightened up a little, stiff, hurt. All of them rejected again. Months of forcing contempt in my heart for them, for my loss, for Casey's death, which I laid on them, and yet my I felt that heart shatter for them. It didn't take much for me to destroy my relationship with them a year ago, and now I had dashed their hopes away again.

Don stutters a little at my question that still hangs in the air between us. An excuse, a denial, a hidden plea. Leo touches his shoulder, and silence fell again. The blue-banded leader that I used to bond with over books, and roll my eyes with over the antics of his brothers and Casey stepped just in front of Don, watching me carefully.

"I'm sorry April," he says softly, and his eyes actually meet mine for the first time. His tone has the same plea that Donny's held, and yet hidden behind those blue irises I saw a spark of protective anger that I somehow didn't expect, but I understood.

Big brother that he was, he had now positioned himself firmly between myself and the others, whom I have hurt deeply. Still, the guilt he was known for made his gaze falter, time had not softened the blow. I don't move, I have no words, I don't even know what I want from them anymore.

Ages pass before he lets out a small sigh. "I understand," he says. "We'll leave you alone April."

_Wait._

Leo turns away slowly, motioning to his brothers. As he passes, Mikey looks up at Leo, then his bright blue eyes dart behind him to look at me. He looks like he might say something until Raph touches his arm, gently guiding him away. Back into their world of shadows, where I had stopped reaching for them. Donny was still facing me, staring at the ground and gripping his bo tightly in front of him. He had been my best friend for years, all of them were like family to me.

_Don't go…_

He turns away finally. He never looks at me. A selfish need burns out my anger, one that I have stamped down for too long. I need them near. They're all I have. I want my friends, my brothers. _Please don't give up on me now…_

I strain my body to stand, and almost fall back down. My side and my chest is on fire, but everything else is numb, and I stumble.

_Why did I let you go?_

"April?"

I had caught him. Don could easily pull away, but my hand was gripping his forearm, shaking and weak, but holding tightly, desperately. I was heavy with shame and guilt for hating him, but I forced my eyes up again, finding his eyes scanning me.

I exhale, and words tumble out that I'm sure he can't understand, because I can't. His sad and stunned face starts to swim, and I blink again to clear my vision. I need to see him, I need him to be here. The tears fall away, and when my eyes are open again, his arms are wrapped around me. The fire in my side flares, but I suck in a breath and ignore it, letting my arms circle around Don.

"I'm sorry." The words are still coming out, and I choke on them, but I can't stop. "Don't leave again, I'm so sorry."

"No," Donny tells me, his own voice catching. "No April, I'm sorry."

Ever conscious of others, he loosens the hug to keep the pressure off my wounds, but keeps me there. "I-I'm not going anywhere. Not if you want me to stay."

My begging finally stops, and I bury my face in his shoulder. When did I get to my knees again?

I feel another set of strong arms around us. Peeking up, I glimpse orange bandana tails before the settle behind the turtle's shell.

"Hey Mikey," I sniffle.

"Hey April," he says, happy relief in his voice. "We missed you."

"I've missed you too."

I never want to move from this. I'm exhausted and hurting and I want nothing but to stay close to them. I hear Raph muttering something to Leo above us as my arms start to fall away from Don's shell. Mikey releases us and I hear part of Leo's quiet response.

"It'll be ok Raph."

Please let it be ok. How can I make up for the year of suffering I caused? Casey would never have wanted that. It was never their fault. Can I really make this right?

"I'm sorry," I say again, staring at them, pleading with them.

Just please, don't leave me alone.

Mikey and Don are beaming at me, and looking up at Leonardo, I find he's smiling too. My eyes reach Raphael and I search his face for forgiveness. After a long moment, his amber gaze catches mine and he nods almost imperceptibly. It may be more for his brothers' sake than mine, but it's enough. I can try to make things better. There's hope to repair our small family.

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><p>Commentscritiques welcome!


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